I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
