You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here