He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.