i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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