I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me