we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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