He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I