they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.