so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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