It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
