oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
