i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
