I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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