A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
