i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
