I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
