I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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