Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
