Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
