tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
