i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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