My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
