Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just high enough for therapy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
