Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
