She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
