Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
