I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
