were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
