my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
