She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
