i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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