I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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