i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
