There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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