did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
