woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need water and some morals
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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