a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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