I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
