I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
