never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
