how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
