We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
