what day is it and did you see me today?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
