God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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