I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
