A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's the barista slut.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
