I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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