hell yes lets make some ravioli
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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