Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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