...so i touched it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
