Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he shaved USA in his pubs
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
