Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
