I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
