Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
