I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
