I need to stop coming to work sober
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
