One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
