When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
