I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
