I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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