I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
