im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
