am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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