Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
