Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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