I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
