Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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