i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
