Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
