I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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