please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
