Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
