It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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