The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
