I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
