Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize
