you traded sex for a burrito?
two words: eviction party
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
