I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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