You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
