I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
