My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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