I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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