He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
