i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
