I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
