Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
