i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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