I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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