I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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